and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
