i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
