In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
