Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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