so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
