yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
