dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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