champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
