no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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