Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
