hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
