matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
