I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
