Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
