speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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