her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
