I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
