Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
