So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
where are you?
Hypothermia
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
