My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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