just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
