hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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