throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
