I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
