dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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