Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
