Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
