Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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