If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
