Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
