So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
