I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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