Moan for me like Helen Keller
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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