I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Rumble strips road head = magical
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
