weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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