the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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