We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
