I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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