There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
