either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
