Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
