we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
