Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
