I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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