please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
