i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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