so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
