Duck Duck Cougar?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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