3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
