The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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