we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
True college students do jello shots in the library
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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