who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
