You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
