I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
