you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
