I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
