my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
