weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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